“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”
~James Dean
Yesterday, I actually felt a little human. I did the family thing. I felt like a normal person. It was a beautiful day.
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This reminds me how short life is. RIP Josh.
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This blog is a view of residency for the perspective of an attending orthopaedic educator.
...which we believe to be unique and absolute, is only one in a cluster of consecutive worlds, arranged like the layers of an onion. He asserted that even though we have been energetically conditioned to perceive solely our world, we still have the capability of entering into those other realms, which are as real, unique, absolute, and engulfing as our own world is.This assertion was made with respect to the metaphysical self (spiritual self); but as a statement, really can be used when referring to ourselves as both educator and learner. It is a special person who is able to separate his/her own opinions and experiences when teaching and evaluating another. This is important for both to do, but seldom done.
For me there is only the traveling on the paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge for me is to traverse its full length. And there I travel—looking, looking, breathlessly.For me, this is one of the wonderful challenges of medicine. The gathering of knowledge is endless. The infusion of new and eager students is like injecting the whole system with nitrous. I am continuing to reevaluating myself as an educator and learner. I try to view myself from outside. I do realize that I have limitations in my own ability to learn and educate. I am continuously looking for new ways to remove my biased opinion and be open to others. It is a constant struggle to remove the human from the human being. For now I will continue in my struggle, I will do my best to provide teachings which I feel are both pertinent and needed. I welcome you do come with me for the ride.
"10,000 Days (Wings Pt. 2)" TOOL
We listen to the tales and romanticize,
how we follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun,
How we'll rise to the height of our halo.Listen to the tales as we all rationalize,
our way into the arms of the savior.
Fading all the trials and the tribulations.
None of us have actually been there,
Not like you...
The ignorant fibbers in the congregation.
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me...
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choices,
hypocrites won't see.
But enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who illuminated?
Your little piece of the divine.
This little light of mine it gives your past unto me,
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way.
Your way home...
I'll be a good boy, I promise
No mommy don't hit me
Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?
Don't do it, you're hurting me
Why did you have to be such a b!t@h
Why don't you,
Why don't you just f#%k off and die
Why can't you just f#%k off and die
Why can't you just leave here and die
Never stick your hand in my face again bitch
F#%kYOU
I don't need this shit
You stupid sadistic abusive f#%king whore
How would you like to see how it feels mommy
Here it comes, get ready to die ....
(Guitar riff is playing) I look over at the patient. F#%kin' ansethesia. Why does it have to be like groundhogs day? Why do I always have the CA-1? Why does it take them 1 hour to get lines in a normal child? FFFF#####%%%%%%KKKK. Be patient, breathe.
Spine instrumentation rep, Joe, says, “So, you been busy?" Why does he feel the need to speak to me at this moment? He knows I don't like small talk now. "Well, you know its summer. Busy season for us," I say and smile.
My resident today is Paul, ortho year 2. He has never done spine before let alone a deformity case. UUURRRGHHH, this is going to be painful. My only hope is he knows how to use a cobb. "So, Paul, while anesthesia is getting the lines in, give me the Lenke Classification of this curve." I wish the Guano Apes didn't break up. That lead singer, man, she totally rocks out.
"DICK" Guano Apes
Don’t say a word
life is like a sin-phony
brave as you dare
there’s nothing but your gain
so take off your shoes
and coming down from ecstasy
hide and turn loose
that’s why i force you towalk like a stag
talk like a stag
come watch yourself
walk like a stag
who could wear my pantsdick
no dick
you got no
dick
yeah yeah how come ...
"Judith" A Perfect Circle
You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I'll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
F#%k your GodYour Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question whyIt's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
He did it all for you ....
"My grampa is tall as trees. Tough as tigers. Big as bears. When he walks the house rumbles and the china in Gramma's china closet shakes. I love mama more than peanut butter. But grampa is tall as trees"In the past, orthopaedic surgeons at academic centers were protected from the world of billing. There was not as much of a concern for the costs of medical care. The expectation was as an academician, you were perfecting your craft. Part of your job was to search for advances in medical care. The clinical side was where you would practice your theory. You were told, "publish or perish." It was important that you taught others, spoke at meetings, get your and the institution's name out there. By speaking and teaching in and outside of your institution, you will gain prestige.
The greats come from very academic institutions. They published papers and operated with residents. The did invited lectureships and taught new procedures. They were seen at the forefront of medicine. Academics is were the new ideas were born, practiced, and then released to the mainstream. Academicians became set in their ways. Doing things they way they have always done them without regards to cost. The clinical work both clinic and OR could be performed by residents. Trauma cases would be unsupervised while they continued to perfect their craft, either by writing or researching."Grampa's eyebrows are as big as clouds, and his wink is quick as lightning. Only I am fast enough to catch it. he always winks when mama makes a fuss. She tries to make him wear the new sweaters she buys him. The ones wihout the holes. Or make me wear dresses and comb my hair. I love mama more than biscuits and eggs with the juice runnin' out. But grampa is tall as trees."
"In the mornin' I can smell cinnamon and coffee. The coffee is my mama. Grampa smells like cinnamon. I jump downstairs and try to rattle Gramma's china in the china closet, race through the room where no children are allowed, run into the kitchen and hop on Grampa's knee. Without a word. And I sit and watch him read the big black book. I know he's talkin' to God.At many academy events, many academic physicians would present their research and speak in forums. There began to be a little shift with industry and some large group practices doing independent research away from the academic meccas.
"Sometimes we take long walks and talk to trees and try not to step on cracks. Grampa tells me stories about the army ants that ate up a whole village of people. Just mowed down everything in sight. Millions of 'em. we sit under trees and wonder what they would say if they could talk."In the position as educator, this physician had to educate both medical students, residents, and other physicians. This was part of their job. Many were baby boomers and had been trained under an iron fist and wielded their fist in the same manor. As political correctness came into fashion, out went much of the tolerance for the thrower and screamer. Write ups and visits to anger management discussing your feelings with your mother became more common. Resident physicians began to ask for the education. They want a handout with the lecture and they may ask why like a 2 year old child. Accepting what you say as gospel have gone to the way side. Learners actually want to learn from you and not just be a grunt. "Why can't they just do the work? It doesn't have to make sense, just believe what I tell you. Would I lie to you?"
"Grampa has two suits. One for Sunday. The other he never wears. he says he's savin' it for when he goes up in heaven to see Gramma a and have an important meeting with god. In the meantime he wears baggy overalls with lumpy pockets full of gum, his tobacco pouch, and a gold watch with a broken chain. She fusses about my overalls which are brighter and stiffer than grampa's and tries to put ribbons in my hair. I love Mama better than the honey apple raisin cakes from th bakery, but Grampa is tall as tress."As times began to change, the pushes on the academic physician became worse. Cuts in insurance payments on basic procedures began to be noticed. The hospitals and practices began to reevaluate where money was being generated and were it was being lost. There began to be an encouragement to increase revenue by increase clinical flow. This again infringed on research time. At the same time that clinical practices were increasing, the amount of extended care providers and residents were not. The appeal for the academic practice began to decline. The politics within the university also was stifling. Creating more hassle than help.
In the private sector, things began to become more enticing. Specialty hospitals, surgery centers, and MRI scanners became a great money generator for the private physician. This made the financial difference greater and the attraction of younger physicians to the more profitable and less hassle private practice more appealing."One night there was a big storm and the lights went out. It thundered and lightning and something bigger than Grampa shook the earth. Grampa said God was bigger than thunder and lightening and some people thought that when it stormed, God was angry. But Grampa said it was just his way of remind us that he is still here. Grampa says that God is old as dust, quicker than lightning, bigger than bears, and better than a bushel of honey apple raisin cakes WARMED WITH BUTTER."
"Then on day I woke up and didn't smell the cinnamon or the coffee. I ran downstairs and didn't even try to rattle Grandma's china in the china closet, race through the room where no children are allowed, and went into the kitchen to jump on Grampa's knee.As the practice of working in a university setting become more restrictive, it will have to adapt. It is extremely important that the educational structure begin to change to accommodate the changes in the system. We have to balance the differences between academic and private practice. The work load has become equivalent. The benefits of having residents are decreasing and sometime can be somewhat burdensome. The prestige of a academic physician that may have once been there is gone and can easily be overcome by the financial gains in a private setting. With many of the restrictions that have been imposed, it may become more difficult to replenish the numbers of academicians who are retiring.
But Grampa wasn't there
In his chair sat my Mama holding the big black book and looking at me with tears in her eyes. She told me that Grampa was ready to put on his suit and go up to heaven with Gramma to meet God. She said we could see him one more time in a church with all his family and friends. She said he would be in Godsleep and be Godstill. That means that his eyes would be closed for a long time and that he would be still and stiller than I can sit on Grampa's knee after he says 'In a minute.'"
"Now I can ride my tricycle past the prickly bush, all the way to Mr. Hammond's house and watch him cut the hedges. Mama's going to get me a bicycle with training wheels. And they finally came to carry away the old Dogwood tree that fell in the storm.In the end, I think things will begin to balance out. As long as there are people willing to inspire, there will be people willing to be inspired. With that inspiration, maybe they to will wish to become an educator. Despite all of the restrictions with in the academic practice, the reward of helping others learn the craft may win over.
Now I talk to God even when there is no thunder to remind me. I say, 'Thank you, God for Mama, and Grampa and Gramma, who are with you, and my new friend, Mr. Hammond. and my brand new bicycle with the training wheels. Amen.'
And if I'm Still - almost Godstill - stiller than when I sat on Grampa's knee after he said 'In a minute, Sister' I can hear grampa smile and say.
'Good mornin' sister."
This past week we have a medical student on service who is here to learn. She is a fourth year and this is her last rotation. She could cruse the rest of the way. That’s what most others do. “I am on month away from being a doctor, I have matched, why should I work so hard?” Hey, I am not knocking that mentality, it’s “senioritis.” We have all had it. What make her rotation interesting is she actually wants to learn. HOLY SHIT BATMAN, a medical student who want to learn about what we are doing. Yeah, we get the orthowanabes but they don’t count. Usually, those not going into ortho are really here to just have another elective. We are a surgical elective and we don’t require much of them. But, she actually wants to learn. Hmm, go figure. Isn’t this why we went to medical school or may be it was to be rich?
Why would this surprise me? Well, it is the interest. It makes me want to spend the extra time teaching. The extra time explaining why we do this or that. It makes me think. It reminds me why I am in academics. Sometimes all the other factors that many medical students and residents don’t see and these things can get you down. To have all the pressures of the powers that be and the top have uninterested residents and medical students as well will just frustrate you. (uurgh)
From the attending side, you are being pulled at multiple levels. From the upper level, administration of the hospital wants you to operate more and bring in more “business.” Residents want you to let them run free to operate and make decisions, as well as, get home at a reasonable hour; they don’t want to spend too many hours in the hospital, “we do want a life.” There are patient obligations. Patients call the office wanting to be seen right away for their acute intoeing consult. Other physicians want you to be available for consults so alleviate their fears of an acute case of “I can’t diagnose the cause of your pain” syndrome. Your partners want you to see more patients and operate more so that there will be more revenue for the practice as a whole. And if you are in a big university, the head of the university and/or medical school may have an interest in what you do. This makes your ultimate goal of patient care a little difficult at times. How can you dedicate your life to the education of the future medical providers without being disenchanted?
It is when a young physician reminds you how interesting medicine is and what good we can do for patients. You are reminded about the differences you make in patients life everyday. This may be an idealistic view but reminds me of why I am here. I want people to aspire to be better, to understand disease processes, and find cures. I want to change the world. Ok, that was a bit much, but I do want to make a difference. So, the way I chose to do it is by one patient, one medical student, and one resident at a time. I will continue to try to spread the little knowledge I have with the hope that someday they will do the same.
I've previously responded re: 80hr work complaints by the "old guard". I did read you reply carefully and notice you mention it in this post. The problem I have with the old guard is the mess they are leaving behind. Social Security is going to collapse. This is not an exaggeration or dramatization. The excessive medical spending of the 70-80's and the resulting sequelae will be the most important influence on how our practices are shaped financially. I can take complaints about only working 80 hours a week. I just wish I could get some answers.This brings up great points about the old guard. You know physicians in the past lived the good life. Getting paid almost the same are what they billed. Life was good and the system may have been taken advantage of. Now we are dealing with the repercussions of the past. There is a backlash from medicare and insurance companies. Probable because we did not police our own very well, we allowed malpractice to become an issue. (This may only be part of the issue; most, I think, is a general sense that if something goes wrong, someone is going to pay for it.) Because
1. Who is responsible for the offences that necessitated StarkStark law I (1989) basically prohibited only self-interested referrals for laboratory services. This was updated in 1993, Congress broadened to Stark II which include referrals of a broad array of "designated health services” Stark I and II had changes again in 1995 and 1998.The final Stark II Regs are substantively different in a number of respects and provide physicians and other
I&II and Antikickback legislation -the majority of which resembles and was modelled after attempts to combat organized crime?
2. Who can explain to me pg2687 of the December JBJS-A? Plastic surgeons at a traditional "old school" program, U of M, "the U" have essentially been given distal radius fractures by orthopaedics (they put volar locked plates on 161 IN 2 YEARS and Ann Arbor isn't exactly a dangerous place). I've looked into it minimally - it came down to ortho attending level surgeons not wanting the call responsibility.
3. Why has industry in recent years so readily embraced overseas providers and non-physician providers? The most common response is physicians pricing themselves out of the market. A recent AMA newsletter detailed non-physician providers gaining authority to offer services through THEIR OWN BOARDS. Of course the podiatry board will be willing to certify their members for knee arthroscopy and pilon reconstruction. In many states it is becoming a legislative issue. Who let this get away? Why is there another report every month about elective hip and knee arthroplasties in India and China? The common response by American surgeons: well we'll band together not to take care of their complications when they are back in the US. It won't be a problem, it will probably be cheaper to keep flying the patients back and forth. None of these employers or benefit plan administrators will even have a list of local providers around the office - nor will they miss it. Non-physicians and their boards Why doesn't the public care?"In the times where money was plentiful, we opened “specialty hospitals.” It increased our bottom line and lined our pockets. But, it is now catching up with use. There is a moratorium on building specialty hospitals. And larger hospitals are complaining that the specialty hospitals are cherry picking cases, bringing there financial practices under review.
Whenever I hear about the "old guard" commenting on something such as the 80hr wk I wish they would just ask them how their generation is leaving the world of medicine? I wish everyone who came out of medical school with less than $100k of debt would take one step back. The time of a national plan is coming it will be generations before "pay for performance" critereon are reasonable and actually based on meaningful medical performance measures - no one reading this in 2007 will see that day. The old guard lived fat off the system. They'll never admit it but SSA isn't going to collapse because they worked a few extra hours a week during residency and that extra work cost Medicare. We're going to be at the mercy of the system that results while they are retired in some house on some beach I'll never see. I just wish instead of the grief, they'd just say "sorry for the mess," and leave us to see what we can sort out.Anonymous was exactly right in stating that medicine is not what it was in the past. We will never be rich. We will live relatively well. I do see in the future that our practices will be driven by hospitals and insurance companies. This is already occurring. Insurances are telling you that test is not indicated based on a list of criteria that they have on some piece of paper. Hospitals are telling you what implants you can and can’t use based on contract that you have had no say in negotiating. Malpractice companies raise your rates with no provocation and you have no way of changing because the other company is even worse. Patients don’t appreciate the all the hard work you just put into their case; they just want their pain medication and their FMLA form filled out.